Emotional Stress

Going through changes is not an easy task.  Making real change in your life-style means becoming uncomfortable, stepping outside of your comfort zone.  I don’t like it.  I don’t live alone any longer and am having a little trouble adjusting to when I’m not in  a good mood and want to be alone.  I don’t like showing my negative behaviors around others.  It sure is easier to be in a bad mood, when you’re alone.   I would like to crawl into bed and sleep for the next couple of days!

Now, I have to face my bad behaviors because I have people in my house that I have an influence over.  I’m so irritated that I can’t hide!  😀  I actually have to face these things, and face them I must.  Not only face them but face them with new healthy behaviors!  This is where the real change happens.

Today, I hate it!  I realize, however, this is exactly what I need to go through in order for my negative habits to go away and perhaps deal with them in a more positive manner. 

I have eaten poorly in the past 3 days due to my irritation and bad mood.  I must find another avenue, other than food.  Writing today’s blog is one way.


Why, oh why, does this happen?!?  I’ve lost 5lbs this week, I shouldn’t feel fat!  I should feel thinner with weight loss.  I hate days like these, especially when I have a first date tonight.  I wonder if that has something to do with it, hmmm. 

I also very much dislike because I woke up feeling this way, it brings my mood down to where I don’t feel confident today. 

Somehow I need to change my mood so when I go on my date, I feel confident in the way I look to match the confidence I feel in myself as a person! 

I have nine hours to change my attitude!  I can do it.

Where does the time go, my friends!  It’s July 1st, 2010.  My desire has been to blog my health journey, which lately has fallen by the waistside. 

I have not stopped my health journey, however I’ve had my struggles the last few months. I’ve been around the same weight for the last 5 months or so.  I’ve lost a total of 105lbs and need to lose 70 more!  I weigh in at 204.  I’ve been between 197 and 223 the last 5 months.  I can’t seem to stay under 200. 

My trainer talks about Desire and Belief.  You have to have both in order for change to happen in your life, no matter what it is.  I’ve had the desire and passion to lose the rest of the weight but have not really believed I can weigh 130lbs.  I haven’t believed I can get the agility back in my knees and the physical fitness to where I can do just about anything when it comes to activity and sports.  Without the belief, the motivation has died even though the desire has been overwhelming. 

Then, when I got comfortable losing 105lbs and comfortable in my new body the desire to lose more was gone!  I get compliments all the time on how good I look now and how desireable I am now. My doctor, friends, family are all very proud of me. I feel fantastic and look good.  The belief came back because of what I’ve already accomplished but the desire to push and do more died. 

Therefore I have been in a “Self-Induced Plateau”.  I read a blog today that helped me realize where I am and the encouragement I got back was tremendous.  It’s a trainer’s blog and she used this expression, which really hit the nail on the head.  It’s been my mental attitude that has kept me from moving forward. 

My trainer believes once I make it through this wall of mental status, get back to the desire with the belief that I can do it and get under the 200 mark….the rest will melt off and I will get to my goal.  He told me on Tuesday that I need to be comfortable with getting uncomfortable.  I need to eat clean, even though I don’t want to.  I need to cleanse, when I don’t want to.  I need to workout, when I don’t want to.  That’s when the success comes in, not when it’s easy. 

Today I’m feeling the desire as well as the belief that I can get to my goal of True Health & Wellness for my life.  I’m definitely uncomfortable today, so I’m in the right place 🙂  I’m on day 2 of a 7 day cleanse.  I worked out on Tuesday with my trainer.  Yesterday I did 50 mins on the treadmill at an 8 incline at 3.5 speed with 4 one minute runs at a 3 incline and 5.3 speed.  Tonight, my best friend is coming over and it’s Competition Thursday.  We’ll do a combo of strength training and cardio for one hour.

I really hate when I’m feeling bummed and low when everything around me is going fine!  I’ve got a secure job for the next 1 to 3 years, I’ve lost 100 lbs, I reconciled my relationship with my dad a few weeks ago, saw my family in Virginia, have good friends who love me, I’ve been on two new dates already this year, and so on and so on…

I don’t always handle my emotions in the right way especially when I’m feeling down and don’t think I “should”.  I’m always scared of getting into the danger zone of getting depressed.  I feel hungry when I’m emotional and have a hard time not overeating!  How do you handle your emotions?

Emotions  are funny little things that can get in the way.  

Emotions are temporary and can change at a moments notice.

Emotions cloud you’re perception of things close and far away.

Emotions can overwhelm you physically & emotionally.

Emotions can drive bad decisions if you let them.

Emotions can give you the drive you need to make good decisions.

Emotions can be handled with care or can become completely inappropriate.

Emotions can be silly and fun.

Emotions can be quiet or loud.

Emotions can make you act with sadness, with anger, with jealously, etc….

Emotions can drain you or give you energy.

Emotions can make me hungry or not want to ever eat again!

Emotions can _______________________.

Fill in the blank for you…

I have had a very busy 3 days and have not had much time to correspond let alone get onto the Internet.  I’m in the middle of day 9 today whoohoo!   I’m so happy that I’ve been able to do this.  I still feel pretty good!  I have not done the Salt Water Internal Bath yet as I haven’t had the opportunity yet.  Hopefully soon! 

The benefits I was looking for are definitely coming to the surface.  I feel cleaner, my skin is very soft although my hands are dry these days.  I’m beginning to see food differently as I’m sacrificing it.  I’m having to face my ‘out of control feelings’  I have.  I turn to food when happy, sad, angry…pick a feeling and I’ll incorporate food into it somehow!   Being on this cleanse I’ve had to deal with issues in completely different ways, which can be painful.  At times I’m floundering as to how to deal with the emotions that come up.  The one thing I’m not doing is turning to food due the this cleanse.   This is a first step for me to break this emotional attachment I have.   I have a feeling I’ll need to do this cleanse for various times and reasons for the next couple of years.  I have heightened awareness of EVERYTHING around me, not just food. 

On Friday I had a retirement luncheon to attend.  It was at a Mexican restaurant and while the food smelled good, I really didn’t want it as I am committed to this time of cleansing and fasting.  The three gals at my table asked me why I wasn’t eating and admired the cleanse I was doing, said they should do the same thing. 

My committment to this cleanse seemed to have inspired two people in my office to want to join me!  They are doing it for various reasons and said they would both start it on Saturday!  I am curious to see if they did when I see them tomorrow at work!  They both committed to the minimum of 10days.  They both wanted to be off of it by the July 4th festivities! 

I attended a wedding yesterday 5 hours away.  We did the trip in one day!  I packed up my tumblers and away we went!  The driving there and back (10+ hours in the car) were fine, even when the girls got fast food and ate it in the car.  What was difficult was all the amazing looking food at the wedding!  All the food was pretty healthy and gourmet!  It smelled so good and I felt so awkward during the time of mingling when all I had was my tumbler of lemonade!  Most people didn’t notice or care except for the group at my table when we had dinner later in the evening.  I craved and wanted every bit of it!  Yesterday was the hardest time I’ve had sitting through an event so far.  I believe some of it came from not being able to share fully in the days activities of this joyful occasion.  Also, I LOVE to cook and create dishes.  Looking at and smelling the food was not satisfying enough to figure out the flavors and ingredients so I can recreate it at home.  The tri-tip looked amazing, the grilled shrimp was marinated and smelled so flavorful as well as the grilled asparagus and zucchini.  Rosemary was a part of the smalled red potatoes too.  Oh and the stuffed mushrooms my girls gagged on!  Hahaha!  I really wanted to try that because I’m sure I would have appreciated them and enjoyed the flavors of that!

Grilled_asparagus             Stuffed-mushroom-caps         Shrimp_003    Tri-Tip-Steaks-0018

Today was  a great food day AND I got back in the pool!  I craved chocolate but did not give into the craving.  Had 5 small meals today, protein in every one and felt pretty good.  I finally went to the gym this afternoon.  It felt so good to be there after so many weeks of not being able to go.  I didn’t count my laps but I did 40 minutes worth of freestyle with using the pull-buoy 90% of the time.  I did a few laps without and gave it my all.  Felt great but didn’t over do it., kept it slow.   I soaked my muscles in the jacuzzi after and spent some time in the sauna too! 

I upgraded my membership so I can visit any of the LA Fitness Health Centers now that I’ve moved far away.  The one near where I live now is brand new….can’t wait to try it out! 

I’m so very tired as I’m still not sleep more than 2 or 3 hours a night.  I’m taking some sleep aids tonight to see if that will help out.  

I put on a blouse today that was tight again….UGH!! 

Been working on the emotional and spiritual wellness, which is going really well but is really exhausting and tough to go through therefore has caused some emotional eating.  Since I’ve not been able to physically exercise with my current knee and shin issues, it’s caused some gaining in my weight.  I hope soon I can do both at the same time…LOL!  Balance please?

Today was a good day physically but am exhausted with lack of sleep and some great journaling.  Good night all!  Hopefully I’ll be blogging more as I’m feeling more up to it.

I’ve been so busy packing to get ready for this move.  I’ll be off-line for the next few days or so.  Here are some random thoughts I’ve had over the last week.

  • Felt so low on Tuesday in the ‘Hope Department’ when it came to becoming healthy – Thank God for great trainers and counselors!
  • Tennis Balls are worse pain then foam rollers by the way!!!  I bought pink ones to donate some of the proceeds for breast cancer and because they have the word Hope written on them!
  • I’ve eaten Ice Cream (Ben & Jerry’s Cake Batter) 3 times this week  – Yep, still an emotional eater!
  • I’ve thrown out & given away more things in this move than I ever have when moving!  Feels really good!
  • I’ll be writing some letters to my dad, that I will not send.
  • I want the plan for my life spelled out for me nice and neat like, so I can follow it – It’s not available.
  • I can’t find my Blood Glucose Meter in this move mess.
  • My two cats have been oddly calm through all the chaos around them.  I can learn from that!
  • It’s been interesting the things I’ve deemed essential to take to my friends house vs. the things going into storage.  It’s all in perspective. 
  • I really miss swimming and sweating when I exercise! 
  • Everything happening in my life is NOT random and all has a purpose and plan for becoming a better woman.  I have a lot of real work to do.  I can see the puzzle pieces fitting.  God’s hand is ALL OVER this, which comforts me so!
  • I’ve been icing, wrapping, rolling (foam & tennis ball), resting, elevating, tiger balm-ing and paying close attention to the movements in my knees!  They are shot right now…imagine if I didn’t do all of the above.

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