I had ZERO motivation for doing any cardio last night!!  I was having an emotional day and wanted to curl up in my warm bed upon arriving home from work!!!  That sounded really good to me.  I even posted on my Facebook status, “Warm Bed or Treadmill?”  I loved the responses.  Half said the warm bed and the other half said both with treadmill being first!  🙂

I changed into my workout clothes as soon as I got home.  Then I played around on the computer for almost an hour.  I kept thinking I promised my trainer Dave that I would do cardio on my own 4 times last week and THIS week.  I only did 3 last week.   I need to step up my “on my own” working out again.  I then passed my mirror and saw my ever shrinking belly (that is still there, just smaller) and thought…I have to workout for that to go away.  My routine and motivation for any cardio in the last 3 months have gone down the tubes….completely!! 

I’ve learned that consistency is more important than what you do or how long you do it!  Exercising on a consistent basis forms a habit.   Someday it will not be thought of as a chore but rather a lifestyle.  Most of the time, it’s still a chore at this point.  Sometimes it’s not..YEAH!!!

I got my butt downstairs to the fitness center at my apt complex and got on the treadmill for 40 mins with an incline of 11 at a  speed of 3.2!  I then sat in the sauna room for 25 mins.  I felt better for doing it.  When I got back in it was to bed!  I felt ZERO guilt laying in bed the rest of the evening.  🙂

Sometimes the motivation is just not there.   Sometimes you have to just do it anyway.  Did I feel better after?  Physically, not really but mentally, 100% YES because I did it anyway!  That’s why I’ve lost 100 lbs so far.  Doing it anyway when I DID NOT FEEL LIKE DOING IT!!

What keeps you going when you don’t want to?  What are your stumbling blocks to make this health journey a lifestyle?

I really hate when I’m feeling bummed and low when everything around me is going fine!  I’ve got a secure job for the next 1 to 3 years, I’ve lost 100 lbs, I reconciled my relationship with my dad a few weeks ago, saw my family in Virginia, have good friends who love me, I’ve been on two new dates already this year, and so on and so on…

I don’t always handle my emotions in the right way especially when I’m feeling down and don’t think I “should”.  I’m always scared of getting into the danger zone of getting depressed.  I feel hungry when I’m emotional and have a hard time not overeating!  How do you handle your emotions?

Emotions  are funny little things that can get in the way.  

Emotions are temporary and can change at a moments notice.

Emotions cloud you’re perception of things close and far away.

Emotions can overwhelm you physically & emotionally.

Emotions can drive bad decisions if you let them.

Emotions can give you the drive you need to make good decisions.

Emotions can be handled with care or can become completely inappropriate.

Emotions can be silly and fun.

Emotions can be quiet or loud.

Emotions can make you act with sadness, with anger, with jealously, etc….

Emotions can drain you or give you energy.

Emotions can make me hungry or not want to ever eat again!

Emotions can _______________________.

Fill in the blank for you…

Last year I decided to raise money and get healthier by joining the ‘Tour de Cure’ bicycle ride for American Diabetes Association.  I rode in the Family Fun Ride, which was about 11 miles.   I want to do it again this year.  I have lost even more weight and want to do the next one up…the 30 mile ride!  I want to show people who eating healthy and regular exercise CAN work in losing weight, getting healthy and controlling your diabetes! 

In ALL of 2009 I was below the 5% A1C and my Blood Sugar Numbers have all been under 100, in the normal range.   Basically I haven’t been diabetic for a year now.  

The ride is in April so I decided I better start training for it.   On Sunday I rode over 20 miles!  Granted it was all flat but was a great start and ego booster to me.  Now I know I will be able to ride the 30 miles in April.  I will have to train on some hills because that makes a huge difference. 

I’m a Red Rider with Diabetes and this is the Biking Jersey I wore last year.  I wonder how it fits today.  It was very tight last year.  I’ll have to put it on this week and see 🙂

I had two workouts with Dave, my trainer, last week and will have two this week.  I worked out 3 times on my own too.  Walked with a friend about 5 miles, did the treadmill at the gym for 32 mins at a high incline with a speed of 3.2, and then the over 20 mile bike ride.  I’ll have to figure out the times for this week on my own as I have a busy week.  Do you have a hard time finding the time for exercise?

 100lbs down and feeling human again! Although I’m still 65lbs away from reaching my goal weight, I feel great and look forward to feeling amazing! I just returned home from visiting family over the holidays. Traveling at a size 14 is a whole new ballgame then it was 4 years ago when I was a size 28. The last time I flew on an airplane was physically and emotionally draining.  I remember the anxiety I felt walking down the aisle looking for my seat.  I could literally see the looks of judgment and thoughts of: “Please don’t sit next to me.” I was embarrassed when I spilled over in my seat, and when I had to ask for a seat belt extension.  Not being able to put the tray table down was unbearable. This time, I’m happy to report no one even paid attention as I walked down the aisle. I had to tighten the seat belt and had plenty of room for the tray table. I even had extra room on my seat! On the last leg home, I had the middle seat and it was no big deal!

Besides feeling healthier and 100lbs lighter, my medical conditions have greatly improved. Let me paint you a picture of where I was just a few years ago: I was 40 yrs old weighing in at 300lbs. I was diagnosed with type two diabetes (proceeded by insulin resistance), polycystic ovarian syndrome, sleep apnea, acute hypertension, high LDL and dangerously low HDL cholesterols, arthritis in both knees and hips, patella femoral pain syndrome, iron deficiency, asthma, in the high risk category for heart attack and stroke and of course morbid obesity. My doctor put me on all kinds of medication. I was taking around 12 pills a day, using a CPAP machine, an inhaler, nasal spray, and had to inject a shot of medication into my stomach twice daily! Can we say “out of control?!”

How did I let myself get to over 300lbs? What happened!? How could I solve this issue for good? I would hear things like: “Just stop eating so much. Eat non-fat foods only. Count calories or points. Eat our food. Ever thought of surgery? All you need is ‘my’ program or video…” You get the picture. I’ve tried it all, except for the surgery. The diet programs would work to lose some weight but I would eventually gain it back plus some. I was never able to stick to an exercise program because it wasn’t for the obese or I would push myself so hard into injury. There was a period of about 6 months I went through physical therapy for my right knee due to using the leg machines incorrectly.

Either way, diet or exercise got me frustrated and as always I would give up. About 3 years ago when I started injecting medicine for my diabetes I began to lose weight. The side effect for using Byetta was loss of appetite, which resulted in weight loss. I lost about 70lbs in 9 months. From there I got into a relationship where I stopped focusing on my health. I wasn’t anywhere near my goal weight but I looked and felt better. Slowly I began to gain weight and before I knew it a year later I gained 55lbs back. Seriously, again?!? TIME OUT! I’m not doing this again, no way, not this time!

What do I have to do to make this a lifetime lifestyle that is natural and not a chore?  Have you ever googled the word healthy? It showed 189,000,000 results. Holy Cow!? How was I going to figure out what was right for me? I needed help and not with just diet and exercise. It became painfully clear I had emotional and mental ties to food and my health in general. I knew I needed knowledgeable guidance and accountability. I decided to Google, ‘personal trainer health and fitness in San Diego’. That’s where I found Tru Health and Wellness. I was intrigued by what I read because it not only talked about exercise and nutrition by metabolic typing but the emotional and mental side of it too. I took a few days to really think and pray about this as I knew this wasn’t in my budget. I finally decided to make my health a priority and invest in me. Besides, how much money was I spending on all the doctor visits, blood work, and medications? I had no idea what to expect and admit I was completely terrified to walk in for my consultation. Did I have too many medical and physical problems, would they understand obesity and all that it comes with are they really going to be able to put an individual program to fit my needs? Yes, beyond my expectations!

This journey has not been without struggles, setbacks and pain (both physical & emotional.) It took a while for me to truly trust my trainer especially when it came to looking at the emotional, mental and spiritual side of this journey. However in order for me to achieve a lifetime lifestyle of true overall health and wellness in all areas I had to face certain aspects of my life. I couldn’t have gotten this far without my trainer guiding and walking through this with me, always being in my corner and never letting me give up. The success so far has been both learning how to not give up during the setbacks, struggles and pain, but also finding new and healthier ways to deal with problems. For the first time I feel confident I will not gain it all back again because the habits I’m forming are becoming natural. On my visit home, a family member asked me if it was ok to eat fries in front of me. I responded with of course it’s ok. I didn’t order the fries because I can’t have them; it was because I didn’t want them. My food choices today are based on what I’m craving and what I want to eat. It just happens to be 90% of the time they are healthy choices now. Eating healthy is finally not a chore.

My medical issues today? Well, my last visit to the doctor showed for the whole year of 2009 my LDL has been below normal range and my HDL is reaching normal, my blood glucose levels have been below the diabetic range (technically I‘m not diabetic anymore), I’m not taking any more shots, my sleep apnea has greatly lessened and will not need my CPAP machine very soon, my knee pains have lessened, I only take about ½ of the medications, and the best news is that in one year I have decreased my risk of heart attack and stroke by almost 60%!

Looks like I’ve been taking a break from blogging for a while.   It wasn’t  a specific choice I made to take a break…just life happened and got out of the habit during the summer.  It’s definitely not summer anymore as Christmas is just around the corner! 

Although I took a break from blogging I did not take a break from my health journey.  I broke through some major milestones in all areas of my health, spiritually, physically, medically, mentally and emotionally! 

Some of the highlights are that I’ve now lost 100lbs!!!  When I started to seriously look at my health about 3 yrs ago, I weighed in at 300lbs!  I’m now 200lbs!  What a journey it has been so far.  I have about 65 more pounds to go to get to my goal.  I feel great but can’t wait to feel even better.

Another highlight is that for this whole year of 2009 my diabetes has been under 6%, which means according to all the blood work and numbers I haven’t been classified as diabetic.  However, I will always classify myself as a diabetic who’s got it under control.  It’s a progressive disease and don’t want to get caught off guard and it return unnoticed until its bad again.  My doctor took me off 2 of my medications this year as well!  I’m still on the high blood pressure pills, which is something I wanted off of soon.  I’m taking it on a regular basis now and its better but not consistently better.  Also, I wear a CPAP at night for my sleep apnea.  I know that’s getting better because I didn’t wear it one night and I didn’t wake up tired or with a sore throat!  My doctor said I can get re-tested soon.  I think another 20lbs off and I’ll be rid of that contraption too!

My knees are better but still hindering a rigorous workout with the lower body.  That’s still a source of frustration for me but am continuing to work through those issues. 

When I can afford it, I still see my amazing trainer, Dave.  He has been a source of consistency that I’ve needed in this journey.  When I can’t see him, he calls often to check up on me.  I’ve texted him in the low times I’ve had and seems to always be there for the encouragement needed and the kick in the ass too!  I owe him so much that I feel I can never repay.

My job drama has still been drama even to today!  I officially still do not have a job come January 1st!  I should be getting an offer letter any day now and am anxious to find out how much less I will be making so I can make the financial decisions needed to compensate for it.  Patience is something I have but not so much with this situation.  UGH!!!

This last year my eating habits have changed into natural habits for which I’m the most happy about!  I always go for the whole foods and crave it now!  I stay away from the middle of the grocery store with all the processed food that is just not good for me.   My choices are naturally the right choice 95% of the time, which I think is awesome! 🙂  I don’t see food and say, “oh I can’t have that”.  Instead I see good food and say, “oh yum, let’s have that”.   My perspective has changed in such a positive way.

I have done a few more cleanses.  I’m on a 21day currently.  This one will be over next week.  The motivation and intention of this cleanse was for purely emotional reasons.   I’m closing in on a breakthrough with some really emotional issues of the past.  Some of which I didn’t know were there.  That was one of the most surprising  things at my age to discover some new things I didn’t realize about my childhood.  These things are totally related to my weight issues as well.  I am no doubt an emotional eater.  When I began to journal and take a hard look at some things I began to overeat again and make poor choices.  I wasn’t able to control my eating.  I decided to go on a cleanse so that I’d have to walk through these emotional times and be forced to not run to food.  Needless to say this has been the most difficult time but absolutely beneficial.  I’m positive I would have been at least 10lbs heavier today instead of 10lbs lighter. 

One of the things I’m dealing with is my relationship with my father.  Short story is he cut me out of his life 7yrs ago.  His wife died in the spring.  Now he’s willing to talk to me and see me.  I made plane reservations to go see him over the holidays.  I’m even staying at his house.  I’m excited at the possibility of a real reconciliation with him but also very nervous at my expectations. 

I’ve been feeling down lately and instead of looking at all the great things (everything listed above) I’ve been only seeing my failures.  When I opened up my blog I noticed that one of my top 3 posts that people are still looking at is the one titled, “Never let the sense of Past Failures Defeat your next step”  written on 2/17/09.  I proceeded to open and read it.  Have you ever read a past post of your own and found it just what you needed to hear!!  Its interesting how my own words became inspirational to myself…haha!  Love it!

I hope everyone is continuing to enjoy this journey of health and wish everyone a Blessed Christmas and Happy New Year!

August is vacation month for me!  I’ve already been to Disneyland and had a friend visit me here in San Diego for a week!  It was fun to vacation in a hotel here in my own town, which is vacation town.  SO much fun!  Tomorrow I’m off on a Road-trip with my 16 yr old lil sister in the Big Sister League of San Diego!  She’s been my lil sis since she was 10!  We’re driving to San Francisco then down the coast for visits to Pebble Beach, Monterrey, Big Sur, Hearst Castle, Jelly Belly Factory, Pismo Beach, Morro Bay, Solvang, Malibu, Santa Barbara….etc…!!  We are bringing our bikes to ride along our visits down the coast!  Gotta get in that exercise!

Had a fantastic Doctor’s visit…in 3  months if my numbers are still this good, she’s taking me off a lot of the medications!  Whoohoo!  I’ve been walking/running for a few weeks…until Sunday!  Had to go to the ER for severe knee pain.  Apparently I have a Baker’s Cyst!  No, it’s not from watching the food channel too much 🙂  Hahaha!  It’s caused by the arthritis and the patella femoral pain syndrome I already have!  That’s all I need is more reason to not do ANY lower body exercising!!!  It’s completely driving me crazy these limitations! 

Ok, so sorry for being non-existent lately.  Hopefully in September when I’m back in the swing of things I’ll be able to track and write again.  I really miss it and miss talking to all of you!

I hope everyone is having a great healthy summer!

I know…I promised some more updates from the amazing cleanse that I had.  I’ve been extremely busy with some very unexpected issues that have happened in my life.  I wanted to apologize to those who I owe emails to…

I’ve been exercising like a madwoman!  It feels good.  I’ve not recorded ANY of it…oh well.  I’ll get back to that when I can.  Mostly my routine has been 50 to 60 mins of the recumbent bike at lvls 8 to 10 and the elliptical at lvls 4 to 6.  I love my new routine of only doing 10 mins at a time rotating between the two.  I’ve been able to last an hour because I can do 10 mins of anything, right?  It’s about 3 to 4 songs worth then I switch to the other machine.  Most of the time I go to the gym when it’s not as crowded and am able to go back and forth.  I really like it.  From there I hit the sauna for 10 to 15 mins to keep the heart rate up and sweat out those calories! 

I’ve been going swimming after each cardio session.  I’m using my pull-buoy.  I do freestyle the whole time.  Lately I’ve been kicking butt.  On Sunday I did 102 laps which is about 1.5 miles and then on Monday I did 120 laps which is about 1.86 miles!  I’ve calculated that 130 laps will be 2.0 miles.  I can’t wait to accomplish that.  Yesterday I just wasn’t up for the full workout.  I only did 25 mins of cardio and about 30 laps…just didn’t have it in me 😦

Ok, gotta run  – hopefully I can update more often now that things are calm for the moment anyway.  I’m reading all your posts.  I see everyone is still moving forward to creating a healthy lifestyle!  🙂