Where does the time go, my friends!  It’s July 1st, 2010.  My desire has been to blog my health journey, which lately has fallen by the waistside. 

I have not stopped my health journey, however I’ve had my struggles the last few months. I’ve been around the same weight for the last 5 months or so.  I’ve lost a total of 105lbs and need to lose 70 more!  I weigh in at 204.  I’ve been between 197 and 223 the last 5 months.  I can’t seem to stay under 200. 

My trainer talks about Desire and Belief.  You have to have both in order for change to happen in your life, no matter what it is.  I’ve had the desire and passion to lose the rest of the weight but have not really believed I can weigh 130lbs.  I haven’t believed I can get the agility back in my knees and the physical fitness to where I can do just about anything when it comes to activity and sports.  Without the belief, the motivation has died even though the desire has been overwhelming. 

Then, when I got comfortable losing 105lbs and comfortable in my new body the desire to lose more was gone!  I get compliments all the time on how good I look now and how desireable I am now. My doctor, friends, family are all very proud of me. I feel fantastic and look good.  The belief came back because of what I’ve already accomplished but the desire to push and do more died. 

Therefore I have been in a “Self-Induced Plateau”.  I read a blog today that helped me realize where I am and the encouragement I got back was tremendous.  It’s a trainer’s blog and she used this expression, which really hit the nail on the head.  It’s been my mental attitude that has kept me from moving forward. 

My trainer believes once I make it through this wall of mental status, get back to the desire with the belief that I can do it and get under the 200 mark….the rest will melt off and I will get to my goal.  He told me on Tuesday that I need to be comfortable with getting uncomfortable.  I need to eat clean, even though I don’t want to.  I need to cleanse, when I don’t want to.  I need to workout, when I don’t want to.  That’s when the success comes in, not when it’s easy. 

Today I’m feeling the desire as well as the belief that I can get to my goal of True Health & Wellness for my life.  I’m definitely uncomfortable today, so I’m in the right place 🙂  I’m on day 2 of a 7 day cleanse.  I worked out on Tuesday with my trainer.  Yesterday I did 50 mins on the treadmill at an 8 incline at 3.5 speed with 4 one minute runs at a 3 incline and 5.3 speed.  Tonight, my best friend is coming over and it’s Competition Thursday.  We’ll do a combo of strength training and cardio for one hour.


First a follow-up

Here’s a follow up from last night’s post about making it to the wall.  I didn’t even make it in the pool!  When I got to the gym locker room and changing, I realized I had forgotten my little bag with goggles and swim cap.  UGH!!  I was already late in getting to the gym.  I only had 90 minutes until it closed!  What to do, what to do.  Can I race home and get them to do maybe an hour swim with no jacuzzi or sauna?  I was starting to feel very sore from Thursday’s workout with Dave, all upper body strength and running.  I had already been at the gym a few hours earlier on the Elliptical.  I wasn’t going to make it home and back in time for a decent swim.  I was thinking about just going upstairs to hop on the treadmill but then realized I didn’t have my tennis shoes on….only my flip flops for the pool area.  I opted to go home. 


This morning as I was catching up on all of your blogs and some interesting new ones, Dave called.  He has switched up my swimming routine.  No more laps until I accomplish the 1 underwater lap.  Hmm, he must have read my swimming post.  When I go to the pool tonight, I will go relaxed and ready to get this done!  One lap of breast stroke slowly down the lane to get to the deeper end of the pool.  Take a few minutes to relax; steady my breathing and my mind.  Swim the underwater lap.  If I don’t make it to the wall underwater, swim slowly to the wall using breast stoke.  Then start again.   That’s it.  Do this for an hour and 20 mins, which is my shortest time I swim when I’m doing my regular routine. 

Bike Ride

I went for a bike ride today to continue my training for the Tour de Cure coming up next month.  I biked non-stop for 1 hour and 14 mins to accomplish 11 miles!  I only intended to do 9 or 10 at the most.  I tried out a new route today in my neighborhood, which was longer.  I had so many obstacles on my ride today. 

  1. My front tire got caught on an uneven crack and I almost spun out…Thank God I didn’t fall!
  2. A car door came open right before I passed the car….didn’t hit it, Thank God!
  3. A very cute puppy came running out from behind a parked car….I didn’t hit him, Thank God!
  4. A funeral procession was happening and I did not get a clear picture as to when it was my turn at the stop sign to go….no one hit me (but almost), Thank God!
  5. A dear friend of mine saw me riding (at my 10th mile) and kept waving at me and rolling down her window to say hi.  When we came to the stop sign, she wanted to chat and asked how I was doing.   This stop sign is in a valley and I hate when I have to actually stop because it’s a killer going up that hill when I do…and I was soo tired and ready to be done.   I’ll have to call her to explain.  🙂

Obstacle – Here’s a few definitions: 

  • A situation or event that prevents something being done
  • A person or thing that hinders movement
  • One that opposes, stands in the way of, or holds up progress
  • Something immaterial that stands in the way and must be circumvented or surmounted

I feel like I’ve overcome many obstacles in my journey to a healthier me.  Like today for example on my bike ride; I successfully circumvented all the obstacles for a ride that didn’t cause injury to myself or others…Thank God!  I’m currently facing the obstacle of relaxing my mind and breathing in order to  gain progress in achieving my underwater lap. 

I’m really starting to look deeply at the obstacles that lies beneath just the physical part of why I’m fat.  Now it’s time to begin to remove those mental, emotional and spiritual obstacles.  I can exercise my butt off, eat right and follow everything my trainer asks of me.  Will I reach my goal?  Perhaps.  But can I keep it there for a life time without gaining it all back?  Isn’t that the fear we all have when losing a significant amount of weight?  If you’re like me, that’s what I’ve done, time and time again…gain it back!  Can I make this a lifestyle with out looking at why I got here in the first place?  I say No.  I’ve been a yo-yo dieter many times in my life and never quite reached my goal weight.  I’ve always gained it back…plus more!  I know this time has to be different if this time is going to be a success.  I will not achieve my final goal, which is physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, medical and nutritional if I don’t change the inside.  

Now, re-read the definitions of Obstacle with this perspective of changing the inside…it reads a little different doesn’t it?  The last one that states ‘Something immaterial‘….there is nothing immaterial when it comes to changing the inside!

Boy, did this guy have an Obstacle 🙂  Wow, I’m impressed!



I’m always amazed at how much I can accomplish in my exercising being fat!  Seriously, it was always my excuse to never try anything “knowing” I could never accomplish it.  If  you would have told me even 2 months ago that I could walk on the treadmill at a 12 grade incline for more than 50 minutes I would have thought you were absolutely insane!   Yesterday afternoon I walked 53 minutes at 3.0 mph (my trainer doesn’t want me to increase the speed until I’ve accomplished a few other things….it’s been very tempting to up the speed but I haven’t).  The first 25 minutes I had the treadmill at 12 grade incline…I decided to see if I can up the incline to 13.0 for the next five minutes…to see what that was like and if I could do it.  Well, after 5 minutes I thought I could finish off the rest of my time at 13.0!  I thought to myself, if I could push this to 13.0 how about doing grade 14 for the last 5 minutes?  After all, it’s only 5 minutes!  I did it!  I was soooo sweaty and really had to  hold on so I wouldn’t fall off!!  Haahahahaha!  That’s like the hardest part at that high of an incline, is holding on.  🙂   In short – 12.0 incline 25 mins / 13.0 incline for 20 mins / 14.0 incline for 5 mins! 

I was feeling so much stress yesterday and mad that I was stressed and overwhelmed with work, people and things after such a wonderfully peaceful friendship filled weekend!  I was so focused on releiving this stress with exercise.  I had great inspiring music on my mp3 player too!  I finally found my special headphones so I was set for a successful workout!  After, I went straight into the Sauna for 20 minutes to finish sweating out the toxins in my body as well as conintuing to burn calories with my heartrate up!  Ahhhh, it’s great for my muscles too!  I iced my knees later in the evening at home.  That always feels great. 

You may ask, “Why an incline and why not increase the speed?”  I have weak knees for a variety of reasons.  Walking on a flat surface or going downhill/downstairs puts a lot of stress, especially being so overweight, on my knees.   I frequently get shooting pains at the base of my knee cap, which you can imagine will slow down any working out.  Sometimes I can not even walk for a while.  My knees swell quite frequently just being on them in a normal day.  Walking uphill or at an incline on the treadmill has zero stress on my knees.  I can walk all I want with no sharp shooting pains ever!  This way I can strengthen my lower body without stress to the joints.  When I increase the speed on the treadmill too much, even just walking outside for more than 5 minutes….it puts stress on knees and they get, what I call, “tricked out” and then I’m done with any lower body exercise.  That eliminates pretty much EVERYTHING Cardio!  I hate that I have to slowly work on this as I am a type A personality and want to badly to just get this done (this weight-loss thing)!  I’m learning patience and trust as well as learning to listen to my body, which is truly the most important thing here.  I learned a very valuable lesson in 2004 about listening to my body….

  • In 2004, when I decided that exercise was the way to go to aid in my weight loss.   I signed up to Curves.  I went three times a week for 35 to 45 minutes three times a week for about 10 months.  I think I lost about 20lbs or so.  I didn’t change my eating very much at all!   I knew my lower body was my weak point so I really pushed it on those machines.  Well, I pushed it too hard!  I really hurt my right knee to the point that I was in the ER because I couldn’t walk!  I was on crutches for a while and had about 6 months of physical therapy.  I was sedentary for almost a full year after that.  I ate too much and fell in to a bad place.  Because of the lack of exercise and very poor eating I hit a whooping 295lbs and fell over the line into Diabetes!  This of course is the short version of my story but is very valuable to me in that I really want to learn how my body works, what it can and can’t do.  I may not be able to do some things now, but I will be able to later IF I get there in the right way.   I want to get there NOW and FAST…man am I so impatient! 
  • I go from Awareness of a situation to wanting to go into Action…NOW!  I learned something years ago about the ” 3 A’s “….Awareness, Acceptance, Action.   I always seem to skip acceptance!  I always thought acceptance was accepting my situation as “is what it is” or that unacceptable behavior was acceptable.  It was a hard concept to grasp for many years.  I now understand that when I become aware of something that I do, acceptance is almost like ownership to me.  I need to Accept where I’m at and that it doesn’t make me lesser of a person.  I’ve learned to process all my feelings of what I just became aware of before I spring into Action.  Perhaps even coming up with a plan for that action that would better suit me than ones I’ve tried in the past.  I don’t “jump” into action always if it’s something I need to think about first.  It’s helped me quite a bit with learning patience too! 🙂

I value very much the personal touch of a personal trainer and a really good doctor to guide me, teach me and encourage me in the best ways to become healthy on this journey of a lifetime!  I’m seeking out those who have gone before me (like some of you who have already lost weight and have kept it off successfully), who have my best interest at heart, who have the knowledge and who just plain care about me.  It’s nice!

I saw my trainer today.  I’m still so bummed that I can only see him once a week.  It’s really a very long time between visits to be on my own.  He motivates me, encourages me, pushes me and teaches me.  He has the knowledge and experience that I just don’t have.  I need to stop being bummed and do something about it.  I asked him what I can do on my own to make up for not training with him.  He told me to do cardio 3 times a week, ice my knees every day for 10 to 12 minutes and start logging my food again.   Instead of just saying thank you, I’ll do that, I proceeded to whine because that just didn’t seem enough.  I asked if I could do strength on my own at home and walking with 5lb weights (didn’t know that was bad on my knees) and asked if I was ready for some of the classes they offer (not even close to being ready because of my knees) and so on.  He didn’t say it but I saw in his eyes, “Don’t you trust me by now, I know what’s best for you?”  I asked if I could do one hour at home like I do with him and he said, “No”.  I didn’t get it, why not?!?  Why couldn’t I just do exactly what we do here?  As he was talking about how he bases the sets he gives me on his assessment of how I’m doing that day, I could see his frustration with me rise.  We joke around a lot in the gym, which is actually a real benefit I’m finding out, but today… I think I caught him off guard with my incessant – but why? – like a 5yr old. 

Does anyone else get so frustrated when you feel like you’re being held back for your own good (so you don’t hurt yourself) or feeling like you took a step backwards because you don’t have the ability to do something you want to be able to do SO BAD?

I don’t know why I get so frustrated and stubborn when feel like I can’t do something.   Sometimes I’m so good at just doing what someone I trust tells me without hesitation or difficulty.   And sometimes I don’t have the patience for anything or anyone, especially when it comes to myself.  I want to be healthy and I want it fast.  It’s going to take time.  I know this yet I still have no patience.   It’s only natural to want a quick fix.  When it doesn’t happen fast enough for me, I begin to think, “what’s wrong with me?  Somehow I’m to blame for the results not happening now, right?”   I’m an action taker so I feel much better when I’m busy and industrious.  I find that I’m inpatient with the pace of my life occasionally.   Anyone else struggle with patience? 

I’m sorry Dave!  I’m ready to listen 100%  and give 100% in the right way as I know I can because I know you are truly in my corner to help me get to the new healthy me safely and permanently.  Thanks for putting up with me. 😀

Change is happening within me, I can feel it!   There is a time to act and yet there are other times when the stillness has lessons to teach me.  Waiting time does not have to mean wasted time.  I want to accept the pace of change, knowing it will bring both times of active involvement and period of quiet waiting.  

Great quote by Lin Yutang, “Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone.  The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials.”