I’m cleansing again for another few weeks.  (The Master Clease) This one will help me get through this plateau I’m on.  I’m at the weight now I was for at least 5 years or so.  My trainer and I don’t want to lose the momentum in the weight loss so here we go again!  I’m also hoping this one will bring me down a solid 12 to 15lbs so I can really start to run more during my cardio work outs.  I want my knees to be back to normal soon.  I wonder how much more weight has to come off for that?  Or if they will ever be back to normal where I can hike again, run again, have agility to play tennis better and SO much more! 

My last cleanse was more of an emotional detox then anything else.   I was able to cleanse a lot my emotional relationship attachments.   I’m still working the relationship I have with food too.   Every time I do a cleanse I learn more and more.  You’d think that wouldn’t be true since I’m not eating solid food on a cleanse.   However, when I’m not eating I have to walk through all of what life brings me and not use food to cope or celebrate.

I find it interesting how my close friends, co-workers or even strangers react when I tell them I’m on a cleanse.  I have a few friends who get mad because our plans can’t revolve around food.  I realize food is a big part of the way society celebrates and seems to be the focus of fellowship with each other.  But perhaps that’s why American’s are the biggest we’ve ever been!!  Everything revolves around food.  I’m learning to look at food as nutrition more and more.  I don’t know if I’ll be able to look at it 100% that way because one of my favorite hobbies and creative outlets is cooking.  The Food Network ROCKS!!!  I know if I had the thought of becoming a chef when I was a kid, I’d be doing that today professionally!  That’s how much I love flavor combinations and love tasting really yummy foods. 

With that thought, I love photography too!  Perhaps I can combine my two loves someday and write a healthy cookbook and take all the photo’s for it too! 

Ok, back to cleansing…. Here’s a list of 17 benefits from cleansing that I’ve seen and experienced:

  1. Zero Inflammation in my body (especially my knees)
  2. Very Soft Skin
  3. Sleeping much better
  4. Blood Sugar Lvls are within normal range (I’m a diabetic)
  5. Great way to start a healthier routine and develop better eating habits
  6. Weight Loss
  7. Eliminating Unhealthy Cravings for Healthier Ones
  8. Feeling So Clean Inside
  9. Total Detoxification of the Body
  10. Removes Heavy Metals
  11. Immune System Becomes Stronger because it Cleanses Impurities like Bacteria, Parasites, Pollution, Viruses, Fungi & Toxins
  12. Cleanses Vital Organs such as the Liver, Colon, Urinary Tract, Skin Pores, Sweat Glands to allow them or do their functions better
  13. Energy Levels and Stamina are Higher
  14. Aides in the Fight Against Additions (for me food)
  15. Detoxing of Emotions
  16. Spiritual Fasting
  17. Brain Chemistry (improved memory and my thoughts become crystal clear)

Today was  a great food day AND I got back in the pool!  I craved chocolate but did not give into the craving.  Had 5 small meals today, protein in every one and felt pretty good.  I finally went to the gym this afternoon.  It felt so good to be there after so many weeks of not being able to go.  I didn’t count my laps but I did 40 minutes worth of freestyle with using the pull-buoy 90% of the time.  I did a few laps without and gave it my all.  Felt great but didn’t over do it., kept it slow.   I soaked my muscles in the jacuzzi after and spent some time in the sauna too! 

I upgraded my membership so I can visit any of the LA Fitness Health Centers now that I’ve moved far away.  The one near where I live now is brand new….can’t wait to try it out! 

I’m so very tired as I’m still not sleep more than 2 or 3 hours a night.  I’m taking some sleep aids tonight to see if that will help out.  

I put on a blouse today that was tight again….UGH!! 

Been working on the emotional and spiritual wellness, which is going really well but is really exhausting and tough to go through therefore has caused some emotional eating.  Since I’ve not been able to physically exercise with my current knee and shin issues, it’s caused some gaining in my weight.  I hope soon I can do both at the same time…LOL!  Balance please?

Today was a good day physically but am exhausted with lack of sleep and some great journaling.  Good night all!  Hopefully I’ll be blogging more as I’m feeling more up to it.

First I want to say that I really don’t want to write this blog!  However I wanted to share my progresses and setbacks….the whole real journey to health so…here goes.

Today I commented on someone else’s blog about how I was so happy they won the mind battle with emotional eating.  I even went on to say that, “diet & exercise” is not the toughest part, it’s the emotional and mental battle that is the toughest part of this process.  I totally believe that and am experiencing a loss in the mental battle today.

Last week I lost 2lbs, this week I gained 1lb.  This set my week off bad.  I didn’t do my strength training at home on Tues.  Yesterday (Wed), I forced myself to do it for 1 hour.  I did not push myself very hard, but I at least did it.  I feel like I’ve been faking it until I felt better.  I don’t feel better and today lost the mental battle. 

When I left work, I went straight to the gym as I always do now on Thursdays.    I saw an elliptical machine open so I jumped right on it.  I can’t find my headphones so I’ve been without my MP3 player the last couple of times.  I was already irritated with that.  The last time I was on the elliptical, I could only do 40 mins and felt like I had to give up because my right foot was numb, like it had fallen asleep or something.  I was a little nervous that it may be my new $150 shoes! 

About 15 minutes in I just didn’t want to do anymore, I kept looking in the mirror and seeing the fat me that I don’t want to be so I kept going.  My right foot again was going numb.  That was really pissing me off that my stupid new expensive shoes were not working on the elliptical.  They work great for walking and are very light, I love them except for this machine.  I have not been able to ride my bike yet to see if they suck or work while riding my bike.  I felt tears coming on at 20mins and felt that I needed to do at the very least 25 mins, which is half of what I normally do. 

I stopped at 25 mins and as I was walking back to the locker room the tears fell.  I hate when I give up!  That makes me feel like I can’t win this battle of the mind and I’ll always be fat because I don’t have the strength to fight it.  On my way home I wanted to eat so much and craved carbs so bad.  With the defeatest attitude I already had, I lost the battle with food too.  I went to burger king and got a chicken sandwich (not the grilled one), fries, diet coke and a small oreo sundae milkshake.  I ate and drank all of it.  I feel like crap both physically and emotionally.  I hate failing, I hate giving in, I hate feeling this way! 

Today is a tearful day of feeling defeated.  So, today is the struggle part of my journey.

OK, so I ‘m in the danger zone for emotional eating today!  My car broke down yesterday!  It died completely and I had it towed to the shop.  They just called and said they are so swamped they can’t even look at it until tomorrow!  I definitely can’t afford a new transmission or if I have to buy a new car! 

I’m stressed out about not having the money to either fix it or buy a new car.   I’m stressed about not having transportation while my niece is here visiting on her college break.  I’m stressed that if my car is deemed too expensive to fix and somehow by a miracle someone will give me a loan to buy a new (used) car, I will not be able to afford my trainer anymore!  I’m the most upset about that.  It’s only been four months!  I feel like I’m just getting started!   This is the best I’ve ever felt with training for nutrition, exercise and even the mental and emotional support that I’ve needed at times!  I don’t want to give this up. 

OK, So I’m stressing big time.  I feel a little better that I’ve written this all out and “put it out there” on here.  I’ve called a good friend and she’s coming to pick up my niece and I and we’re going to spend the day together!  That will help distract me from my current worries!  I have family and friends around me today….I really need that support right now. 

I can do this…one step at a time.  Can’t do anything until I know what the heck is wrong with the car.  I need to focus on the moment and not be in the future.  I think a lot of stress comes from the unknown…not the known.  I’m breathing normally again now, that’s a good sign!  🙂